Sunday Mass after JP2's Death
THIS morning I attended Mass at St. Benedict's Church near Arrowhead Road. I've been feeling very pensive ever since the JP2 fell ill and then passed away yesterday. He's the only Pope I've ever really known or have been familiar with, but I feel that he's the best one we have ever had. Like most Filipinos, I also feel a certain affection for JP2.
Anyhow, I just felt the need to get myself to a church. It's the first Sunday after his death and I thought it was only right to go. I wore a black long-sleaved shirt. I guess I was expecting a more visible sign of grief at the church and was hoping to pray with other people for JP2 and the election of a new pope. But when I got there, it seemed like an ordinary church day. There was no sense that someone important had just passed on. Sure, there was a period of ten Hail Marys before the Mass proper, but I didn't see signs of sadness. Even the pastor's manner was--how shall I describe this--a tad perfunctory. I felt no genuine sadness nor any sense of loss.
Sanay lang ba ako sa drama ng mga Pinoy? Hindi naman siguro. But was it right for me to expect the atmosphere outside the Vatican and in many churches in the Philippines to be duplicated here in Duluth?
When the pastor took a moment after the Homily (which also did not touch on the Pope's death) to talk a little about the Pope, I began to cry. Hindi naman maingay. Tumulo lang naman ang luha ko. I guess it was because may pakiramdam ako ng pangugulila. The pastor began to talk about how he had the chance to meet JP2 and how honored he felt that the Pope blessed him 45 or so days after he was ordained. How the Pope had blessed the vestments he was wearing today. How the Pope had blessed the medals that the parish was giving away to everyone after the mass. Lalo lang akong naiyak, dahil punyeta naman, was that the best he could come up with? Ano naman ang pakialam ko na na-bless ang damit niya? Aanhin ko naman all those plastic medals near the church entrance? And what's all this crap about peace here and peace there, eh, their country has killed so many innocent and poor people in A. and I. My stomach felt sick. I thought that coming to a Benedictine church would be better because it might somehow echo the kind of service-based faith that I was raised on. But I guess I was wrong.
Napansin ata nila akong umiiyak. Couldn't stop my shoulders from doing that quivery kind of movement kapag nagpipigil ng luha, and I don't know if it was just my imagination, but I sensed a more somber tone from the pastor and the deacon after that.
Ewan ko ba. I miss UP Chapel and I wish I were with Coro de Sta. Cecilia right now. And for the very first time, I wished it was Fr. Robert (the running priest) who was up there. Not the star-struck Rev. Richard Kunst and his special clothes.
Anyhow, I just felt the need to get myself to a church. It's the first Sunday after his death and I thought it was only right to go. I wore a black long-sleaved shirt. I guess I was expecting a more visible sign of grief at the church and was hoping to pray with other people for JP2 and the election of a new pope. But when I got there, it seemed like an ordinary church day. There was no sense that someone important had just passed on. Sure, there was a period of ten Hail Marys before the Mass proper, but I didn't see signs of sadness. Even the pastor's manner was--how shall I describe this--a tad perfunctory. I felt no genuine sadness nor any sense of loss.
Sanay lang ba ako sa drama ng mga Pinoy? Hindi naman siguro. But was it right for me to expect the atmosphere outside the Vatican and in many churches in the Philippines to be duplicated here in Duluth?
When the pastor took a moment after the Homily (which also did not touch on the Pope's death) to talk a little about the Pope, I began to cry. Hindi naman maingay. Tumulo lang naman ang luha ko. I guess it was because may pakiramdam ako ng pangugulila. The pastor began to talk about how he had the chance to meet JP2 and how honored he felt that the Pope blessed him 45 or so days after he was ordained. How the Pope had blessed the vestments he was wearing today. How the Pope had blessed the medals that the parish was giving away to everyone after the mass. Lalo lang akong naiyak, dahil punyeta naman, was that the best he could come up with? Ano naman ang pakialam ko na na-bless ang damit niya? Aanhin ko naman all those plastic medals near the church entrance? And what's all this crap about peace here and peace there, eh, their country has killed so many innocent and poor people in A. and I. My stomach felt sick. I thought that coming to a Benedictine church would be better because it might somehow echo the kind of service-based faith that I was raised on. But I guess I was wrong.
Napansin ata nila akong umiiyak. Couldn't stop my shoulders from doing that quivery kind of movement kapag nagpipigil ng luha, and I don't know if it was just my imagination, but I sensed a more somber tone from the pastor and the deacon after that.
Ewan ko ba. I miss UP Chapel and I wish I were with Coro de Sta. Cecilia right now. And for the very first time, I wished it was Fr. Robert (the running priest) who was up there. Not the star-struck Rev. Richard Kunst and his special clothes.
posted by Natasha Vizcarra at 1:40 PM
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